so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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