the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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