I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
