smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
