he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
