Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
