Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
