Kiss
Puke
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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