it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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