i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
