I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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