This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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