I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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