I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
