my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
