Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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