Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
