She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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