I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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