I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
