I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
