Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
