Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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