the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
