eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
