just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
