i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
