If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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