never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
