there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
