I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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