The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
