I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
