Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
