you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
