I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
