Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
