It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
