I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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