I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
