Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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