Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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