also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
