would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
