Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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