I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Found your dick twin last night
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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