at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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