Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
