When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
