I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
