We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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