Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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