Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
