We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
