Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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