1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
